Ep. 020: Fake It ‘Til Ya Wank It – Masturbation in Movies

Masturbation. It’s pretty familiar to most of us. If not, well, you may have some internal obstacles that could probably take a little investigation. Unfortunately, it appears that movie makers may have some of those same internal obstacles that could probably also use a little exploring.

How did men end up with the crap end of the stick on this?! They’d be well-polished professionals in this category and yet they seem to have been handed a paltry array of variations on the matter. When we so often look to film to express the many nuanced facets of being human, being left with such an unbalanced depiction of male masturbation…. well, it’s just so disheartening!

But not nearly as disheartening as the Swiss cheese Laura and I have apparently modeled our memory banks on.

For the record, that Hammer movie I had so much trouble with IS called The Resident (2011) and it stars Hilary Swank, Lee Pace and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. (My deepest apologies to Mr. Morgan for being a total twit about his name.) And yes, she does masturbate… in the goddamn bath, no less! Ridiculous. But also, it’s super wimpy. Also, he masturbates as well, when he’s alone in the bathroom… in the empty bathtub! But they cut away before it gets good. Way to wuss out, Hammer.

And the Colin Hanks movie I could-not-for-the-life-of-me remember the name of is Alone With Her (2007).

But if you were hoping Laura and I had figured out the other one… nope. No idea. So, have fun with that.

Want to enjoy the Pinterest album for this episode? You’ll find it here.

 

Ep. 019: Coming of Age – Ladies Edition

The thing about coming of age, is that we all do it. Time doesn’t wait around letting us stay kids until we decide otherwise. It pushes us forward into an aging skin until all the mysteries of adulthood have been firmly handed to us as a big old wad of chewed up lassitude. The strange contradiction of it all is that the events of those turning points in our lives often make up some of the most interesting moments of our history. I’d venture a guess that this probably has something to do with the popularity of the subject in filmmaking. It’s a complex and varied experience that has a magical way of being hugely universal, while at the same time remaining deeply individual and personal.

For Laura and myself, the two films we chose this time around… 1992’s The Lover and 1996’s Stealing Beauty… had a lot of personal connections to our own youthful experiences moving from our teenage years to adulthood, and it was very interesting for us to see how our perspectives on them have changed over the years.

We didn’t originally intend to split the subject into gender editions, but it happened naturally… so expect a ‘Gentleman’s Edition’ to make it’s way down the pike sometime in the not-too-distant future.

You can find the Pinterest album for this episode here.

Ep. 018: Sex Scene List Review – Popsugar’s ’29 Steamiest Movie Sex Scenes of All Time’

Planning is really just a more formal version of good intentions. You think,  Yes, I will being doing this very certain thing, at this very certain time… there is no reason I can’t simply tell people to expect just such a thing at just that particular time.

But you know what they say about the road to Hell…. It’s exactly where you end up when you’re busy planning a trip somewhere else entirely.

Originally our plan was to give you a ‘Coming of Age’ episode… we even watched the movies! But with the start of school (Myself, working at one and Laura taking a couple of classes) and a few other schedule conflicts, we had to pull out a pre-recorded backup episode to share with you this week. But our ‘Coming of Age’ episode is still on it’s way, don’t you fret! (I’m sure that’s exactly what you were doing just now.)

For this week, we’ve got a ‘Sex Scene List Review’ on tap for you. What the hell is that? Well, a lot of pop culture outlets like to throw together their own lists of the sex scenes they think are really…. sexy, steamy, kinky, uncomfortable… pretty much insert whatever adjective they’ve decided to employ their opinions on. And we’ve decided that from time to time we are going to track one of these lists down for assessment and review. This time around we’re providing commentary on Popsugar’s list, The 29 Steamiest Movie Sex Scenes of All Time. And honestly, we had a pretty fun time at it! We hope you have just as much fun listening.

You can find the original Popsugar list here, and the Pinterest album for this episode here.

 

Ep. 017: Creature Feature, or Wait, Where’d All the ‘Real’ People Go?!

Admit it… you’ve had a crush on a mythical being… or an alien… or a cartoon character. No? Really?! Are you sure? Well, we sure as hell have! And we’re here to talk about it, dammit!

We decided to explore the strange, yet somehow rather common, attractions that people develop for the various non-human, cartoon and ‘human-obscured’ characters we’re so often introduced to in film, television and comic books.

Human-Obscured?

Yes. It’s a thing. You’ll see… you’ll get it… just listen to the damn episode!

And wait, did you say comic books? I thought this was a film and television podcast?!

Yeah, okay… that’s true. But they’re very entwined these days and for a girl like myself, who grew up with more comic books than television, it became a necessary inclusion for this topic. Deal with it.

Honestly, it’s a pretty interesting topic and I think we were both a little surprised at quite how universal it ended up being. Join us and see if one of your not-so-human crushes overlap with ours!

You can find the Pinterest album for this episode here.

 

Ep. 016: Foreign Films – Poland

So, just how badly have you been yearning to listen to me mangle other people’s names? Does the fact that I’ve heard all sorts of creative versions of ‘Lyra’, earn me any kind of leeway? Maybe?

Well, in this, our first episode delving into the murky waters of sexy foreign films, we decided it would be so much more fun if we started somewhere that we were previously completely unfamiliar with. And if we could add some of the most intimidating pronunciational puzzles to the mix, well then hell… even better!

So here we go, Poland! Aren’t you delighted our clumsy gaze has landed on you? Thrill as I trip my way through some of your truly amazing names… all in the sincere desire to express what a fascinating time I had discovering a couple of your films!

Honestly, we just did a Google search for something along the lines of ‘Poland movies sex scenes’ and then took a flying leap at a couple of titles. This episode is the outcome.

All in all, it was a great success and I think we can both safely say, Poland has some excellent sexiness to offer, folks! Check it out…

The Pinterest album for this episode can be found here.

Ep. 015: Trainwreck

Well folks, a couple of episodes back, when we tackled the topic of friends with benefits, we mentioned that we wanted to do an episode on the Amy Schumer vehicle, Trainwreck, which at the time still had yet to be released.

Well… we love keeping promises. It came. We saw it. Here’s the episode.

However, if you came here expecting the same glowing response that the average critic has been lavishing on this film, well, prepare for a level of disappointment not unlike what we felt leaving the theater. Which is not to say we didn’t enjoy ourselves! Or find ourselves laughing! Also something you can ultimately parallel with this episode, I hope.

So have we whet your appetite? No?! Well, dammit, just play the episode and find out what the hell I’m talking about!

Also, if you’re wondering why we’re recording somewhere in the vicinity of festively frolicking reindeer, those tinkling sleigh bells you may end up hearing once and awhile in the background, are actually the bell-collars of three very naughty cats who will not take the party elsewhere.

For this episodes Pinterest album, click here.

Ep. 014: Guy on Guy – Jeffrey & Weekend

So now that we’ve covered our first look at girl-on-girl action, how could we go very much further without adding our first set of guy-on-guy films? It just wouldn’t be right!

Laura and I have a rich history of enjoying gay films. They’ve played a significant role in our sex-in-film nerdity, so when if came time to choose a couple of titles, we had a huge list to pull from. Needless to say, it will be a revisited topic in the future.

As for our choices? Laura went the nostalgic route and chose her ‘first time’ gay flick, Jeffrey, from 1995. This worked well for me as well, being that it was one of those classics of the genre that I’d embarrassingly never gotten around to seeing.
Myself? I went with the last-in-first-out method and chose that last gay film I’d recently watched (read ‘last week’) and busted out the fabulous Weekend of just a few years ago.

They turned out to be a fantastic set of choices and we so enjoyed talking about them, and felt they led to so many side opinions we wished to discuss that I have no idea whatsoever how this episode turned out to be one of our shortest yet! It felt like we talked so much! Body objectification! Straight men playing gay men! Fake Jizz?! There was just so much to say… how could it be so short?!

Oh well. It was enjoyable, so that’s all that really counts.

Also, I might add that for anyone who feels like it sounds a little like we’re holding our discussion in a bit of a wind… well, at 113 °F outside, we simply couldn’t pull off a recording session without the AC on, so apologies for any background ‘sooshing’ noise.

p.s. The next time I forget Tatiana Maslany’s name, you have my permission to call me a twit. I’m really such shit with names. It’s embarrassing.

For visual accompaniment, check out the Pinterest album for this episode here.

Ep. 013: Friends with Benefits

Friends with benefits. I think most of us have heard the term, but I’m beginning to suspect that we don’t all think of the same thing when we address the concept. I know, if nothing else, that Hollywood and myself have different ideas on the topic.

But then again, we are talking about a couple of romantic comedies, so perhaps I should lighten up a bit… not on how good they are (or are not, as the case may be.) They still have to answer for quality within the confines of rom-com-ness, to which I think one manages to be passable, the other… not so much.

The problem mainly lies in the fact that I have a very personal affinity for the concept of friends with benefits, but clearly come at the idea from a much different perspective (among other things, I take the ‘friends’ part very seriously) whereas these films obviously revolve around characters who want more, but have lost faith in their ability to find it and then settle for something ‘less complicated’… because they are naive as hell. But then, again, ROM. COM. I know… I know.

But this is what we have on the matter… or is it? Do any of you out there know of some other title that might address the concept differently? If so, do enlighten us, because….. Hollywood apparently only knows how to empty it of meaning. Though, if Pinterest is anything to go by, there are plenty of those who love these films… so perhaps you think we’re full of shit? I’d be interesting to hear some differing opinions!

For our Pinterest take on the subject, visit this episode’s album here.

Ep. 012: Girl on Girl – Bound & Blue is the Warmest Color

When discussing sex in movies, there are certain topics which are simply too complex and varied to be captured in a single conversation, or condensed into the experiences of the number of films we could watch for an episode. With that in mind, we’ve decided to shake up our structure just a tad. For larger, broader subjects with a shit-ton of fascinating examples, we will choose a couple of titles to cover at a time and then revisit the topic periodically. Such is the case here, with our first foray into the cinematic landscape of girl-on-girl sexuality.

We started with an old favorite that we were both already familiar with, Bound (1996), the feature film debut of  The Wachowskis (known then as The Wachowski Brothers, before Laurence Wachowski became Lana Wachowski.)
It should be noted here that my references to the sibling director team as “The Wouldyawannacowskis” is in no way meant as a put-down… it’s only a play on my personal inability to get their name right… the same misfortune befalls the beautiful and talented Mia Wasikowska, who at times becomes Mia Fuzzawazzacowska in the face of my unfailing pronunciatory ineptitude.

For our second feature on the subject, we chose Blue is the Warmest Color (2013), which was a new viewing for us both and, being a famous entry on the topic, was an obvious must-see.

In retrospect, our choices were well-made and we had a very enjoyable time dipping our toe in the subject matter… we hope you have the same experience!

You can find the Pinterest album for this episode here.

Ep. 011: Series Spotlight – Game of Thrones

Ah, Game of Thrones. Yes, this time around we’re taking on television, and where better to start than Westeros and all the sexy moral ambiguity the series can muster. But it’s not all so sexy, is it?

We’re going to start off easy, however… get the ball rolling with a little tongue waggling over our own choice cuts and personal favorites. There’s a spicy array of sexiness on display in this series that should not go unappreciated!

Ultimately though, just as the recent spat of rapey-ness will attest to, sex in the ‘game of thrones’ has much less to do with sex directly and much more to do with the exerting, controlling and ripping away of power… just as rape itself is. Controversy has roiled around the last couple of seasons for this very reason and we have some things to say on the matter ourselves.

But fear not, we’re not simply going to toil through the grueling task of social commentary and we’re certainly not going to stake a claim on any kind of moral certitude… we’ve got silliness and laughs enough to go around.

For some great visual accompaniment, you can find the Pinterest album for this episode here.